I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
