We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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