im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i believe in u and ur pee
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
