I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
