I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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