You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
