I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
