that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
