This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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