you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
