I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
