Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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