I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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