So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
