Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
