If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
