I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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