idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
