Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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