addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
