plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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