he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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