We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
