i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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