He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
