Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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