I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
