I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
