Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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