remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
