i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
