i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
