He told me they were just razor bumps!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
