If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
