I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
