weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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