I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
