Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
