I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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