New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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