just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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