Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
