you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
