Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
