i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
