I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
