Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
