i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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