In America we eat man semen.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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