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We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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