I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
