he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
