Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This is my gift to your gina
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Bring me that man meat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
